My father and I have had a rocky relationship…. my parent were never married and I basically grew up wtih my mom after they split up. Long story short, our relationship has always been strained. He cannot stand me being late, not returning phone calls, or not sticking to plans, which, when I was younger, I did all the time. A few months ago, I had a bad car accident and he decided to title his old car over to me so I could have it for the time being (he has 6 other cars). He then asked me to come up to his house at 8Am that sunday to get the oil changed… but I went out with my friends on Saturday and overslept. He didn’t talk to me for a month. Then he showed up at my work and asked me to come up on Sunday again, which I did, but at 8:08 I was a few miles away from his house and he called me screaming and basically verbally abusing me because I was 8 minutes late, so I turned the car around and went home. I have not heard from him since… and the last time I saw him he was extremely depressed. When I was in high school, he didn’t talk to me for almost 2 years because my friend invited me on a 2 week vacation to the beach and it impeded his weekend visitation with me. I know that he loves me and that is why he is angry with these things, but he abused my mom when I was a baby and I was very scared of him for the longest time and very attatched to my mother because I thought he was a monster. Now that I am older, I am realizing how different everything was, and I am trying to understand his perspective, I am trying to be a good daughter… there was no way I could have known that he wanted to be with me so badly when I was younger and my mom wouldn’t let him half the time. When I would go to visit him on the weekends, he would tell me “I am not your entertainment committee” and I would basically sit in my room for 2 whole days doing absolutely nothing, but he wouldn’t allow me to go out and see my friends. Like he wanted me there, but didn’t want to pay me any attention. He is a complete control-freak, and lives alone in a giant house with no new wife-figure. I am his only daughter.
Now, he is ignoring me and ignoring my 83-year-old grandmother (his mother), and she does not know why. He completely ignores my calls and ignores my e-mails, as well as hers. He has no other family because my aunt/his sister lives in California, his father is dead and his other sister hasn’t spoken to anyone in years. So that leaves my grandmother and I, with no one else. He didn’t even call us on Thanksgiving even though he lives 5 miles away, so I cooked all of Thanksgiving dinner for my grandmother. I have e-mailed him and called him relentlessly. I feel abandoned again. He has done and said many hurtful things in the past, he is very controlling and dominating and non-emotional. But I know he loves me because in happier times, we have a lot of fun together and do fun things together like concerts, fishing, vacations, etc. I want him in my life, but I feel like he is mentally ill, and I cannot deal with him intentionally ignoring me, and especially my grandmother like this. My mom swears he has Asperger’s or some kind of disability that keeps him from empathizing with other humans. he told me on the phone the other day that “every single person on the planet is disposable” to him. It hurts, and I feel like I caused all of his pain without even knowing it because I favored my mother for so long, but she was feeding me a bunch of crap so I would be scared of him. Should I give up? I love him and I want to feel like I have a family… but he has pushed me away, and abandoned me again and again… I want to help him. I want to change everything.I feel like this time he is really leaving me for good, and I will forever be sad that I destroyed this man by not being the daughter he wanted. Tell me what you think.

It sounds like your dad needs to grow up and learn how to be a father. No daughter is perfect. And understand that. Even though it seems like he is easily tempered, don’t let him talk to you like that. It sounds like everything your mother did he is taking it out on you, but your mother had good reason. Im sure she didn’t want you to get hurt because of what she had been through. Never feel bad because you think you favored your mother, your mother gave you life. Your father hurt hers by abusing her. Don’t give up on your father, but don’t chase him either. Let him come to you. In time he’ll understand. Hopefully. And when he grows older it will be all that he can think about. Don’t ever think you destroyed him by not being the daughter he wanted, there is no such thing. You are exactly who you are suppose to be. He needs to accept that what he’s done in the past has created his future.

All of the above in a span of a week; I believe she had been depressed on and off, but we never brought it up, and thought our discussions resolved whatever was bothering. There was never any violence, happy kids, great vacations, great relatives, she did what she liked to do, did not have to work, I travel for work and was attending school, so she had more household responsibilities, but I helped clean and cook whenever I could, as well as chores with kids. One of the sons has ADHD, so she was always stressed and took everything personally (blaming herself for his mis behaviors). I never left anything with her unresolved or let her knowingly suffer. Then there was a tragedy to a family she knows and everything fell apart. I can see she is hurting, and her face is ghostly, and want to help even after the cheating; I do believe the real her is somewhere hidden. I love my wife still, but I do not know if I can rebuild this marriage. But I still want to help her. Any help???
For everybody who keeps telling e to let her go, I have. However, it is my duty to protect my kids from her behavior and erratic actions. A man who has an affair with and supposedly falls in love, what does it say about his character? Do I want my kids with such influence? Hell no. To protect them, I need to know facts and answers, and this is where I am now. Personally, I know I can get over her, and I have to. But a sick mother is not good for my kids, or their well being. When she is depressed and acts in irresponsible manner, are you supposed to just think of yourself and move on and ignore the kids? No, it is my duty as a father to protect them from this low moral and valued individual, and that is why I need my answers. For those telling me that I am not over her, you are wrong. I even had a champagne to celebrate my resolution, but I will not let up till my kids are safe. As per my attorney's request, I have initiated a full PI work on that individual too. Thank you.
Well, the therapist has said that she is depressed, and also in denial. No one can force one to get help, unless that person is willing. She also says that it is an emotional relationship she is in (it is a long distance phone relationship) that she taunts me with phone calls, giggling, etc. Also she is trying to provoke me into doing something, but I just leave the room or house not wanting to get myself in trouble. I know I am moving on, but I still want to her the help she badly needs for the sake of my kids. I do not know why people are saying I am still holding on to something who wants to be let go. She basically wants the cake and eat it too. I already have started to date to meet new friends, not relationship. Just want to be appreciated for who I am and none more. I do not think I am ready to trust anyone like I did. With time, I will. But I MUST make sure the mother of my kids will be sane and fine and not get hurt by a philanderer. That is all.

Usually it's an affair that causes a person to go into a deep depression not the other way around. Sounds like she doesn't want your help or anything to do with you. I'm just trying to read between the lines.

Well for the first week *this is week 2* they basically let me stay up whenever (about 5-6 am, once 7 am) as long as I didn't make a huge mess. I usually slept in till 1-2 pm, which I normally do anyways, regardless of what time I go to bed, unless I have school, and twice I slept in till 6 pm. Yesterday I didn't do the dishes and now my dad keeps saying hes going to turn the internet off at midnight. I even woke up earlier yesterday (12 pm) so maybe they wouldn't turn the internet and tv off. I don't see why my parents are doing this! I know they don't want me up to 7 am and they don't want me to sleep into 6 pm every night. So I figured if I keep the tv and stuff down, don't cook, and go to bed by 5 am, and don't sleep in as late, it should all be fine. I'm 15 years old, I have 2 honors classes, and I am a 10th grader in high school. I don't see why my parents (mainly my dad) is making me go to bed at 12-1 am. I mean, I wouldn't do this on a school night, so why not on vacation? They don't really give me any chores to do, and we don't really go anywhere so I've got nothing else to do but sleep during the day. Also I realize that when you stay up too late that your immune system runs down and you can get the flu or stomach aches.

P.S. I am not doing any bad/illegal activity. I chat with my friends online, munch on snacks, and watch tv. I am not drinking, smoking, or doing drugs, and I am not inviting people over in the middle of the night or sneaking out.
If you answer, at least be polite.
Also I know it might sound spoiled, but I'm not trying to act spoiled. I just prefer the night time over day time, because my friends log on later at night, and all the good tv programming comes on later at night.
Also, I think its because my grandparents said something to my dad (my dad basically views his parents as God and their words as the bible), because my grandparents are basically disgusted with me because of my clothing (its not bad, but my grandparents want me to be a girly girl, which I am not), the kind of shows I like, music I like, etc. My grandpa usually goes to bed at 8 pm, and grandma around 10, so they think everyone needs to be like them.
I can't get a job. I've even looked around for one because I want to earn money but I swear to god, places where I live do not hire at 15! There are other things I want to do with my vacation time (such as sew, write, etc) but I don't really have the money for hobbies I'd like to pursue.
to the third answer: I always go to bed earlier a few days before school starts to get me back in the cycle, but I have 2 more weeks of vacation left, so I feel I don't need to start going to bed earlier so soon.
oh and both my grandparents wake up at 4-5 am.
I asked the local McDonalds and fast food places, they told me 16.

We have a 15 year old son, and on vacations, we let him stay up… but with restrictions. No internet and he has to stay in his room.

We are rather strict parents, though. My reasons are this.
He needs his sleep. He is part of the family, we like him and want him involved so if he is asleep all day, it is like he is living a life separate from us. I work hard to keep the house a certain way, with him prowlling around he makes messes and eats food that is earmarked for other things. And, his father and I like each other more than we like our kids (and we do adore our kids), after you guys go to bed is when we get to be alone together.

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ok so my family of four, me, 16, my brother, 14, my mom and dad. my dad used to make a nice amount of money in the military. so i was used to having nice things and always knowing we had money for vacations and the other things in life. i always got new toys and things when i asked. i was NOT spoiled at all. i got spanked all the time and i knew the limits. my parents did not spoil us. we were just good kids with well off parents. but he is no longer in the military and has a different job he loves, but isnt paid much. my mom was forced to get a job as well, which doesnt pay much either. its been about a year and a half. my parents always talk about how we dont have any money. they cant afford to buy me or my brother new clothes for school. not even from a secondhand store. when i asked about school supply shopping this year my mom said we couldnt afford to get new school supplies. she said they havent even paid the car payment and house payment and other bills. they can BARELY afford to pay those. i really need a car because i play lots of sports and need ways to get to and from practices and games. also i have to ride the bus, which is very limiting. i cant get a job. i have no way to get to one from school. plus i play sports. but the time my parents would get home from work to take me its too late for me to be going to a job as a high school student. so i have no money, and they cant afford a car for me. i have seen ones i cant get for $1000 and under, but my parents say no way they are pieces of junk and are too dangerous. they dont want me in anything not super nice. and insurance is WAY too expensive anyway. so im kinda stuck. oh yah and im not allowed to ride the city bus. too dangerous. im always bumming rides off of people, but thats not going to work anymore. but heres the thing!!! we eat out almost EVERY night. seriously. because we are all busy and my parents hate to cook. and my mom buys food for friends all the time. and buys tons of snacks for our sports teams. and buys expensive food, like brand name products. says shes too busy for coupons. we pay for a good cable, internet, and cell phone plan too. im really excited for college and have big plans. but we cant afford anything other than the city college here. even with scholarships i would need more money than we have. i really dont know what to do at this point other than become like a depressed outcast. i cant afford to go places with my friends, and have no way to go anywhere. they are becoming annoyed that i can never do anything. my parents are pretty strict. i ride the bus, which makes me an automatic loser. im never going to get a car. its embarrassing never having a ride for sports, which is basically my life. everything just make me want to quit everything and just be a despressed outcast who rides the bus to and from school never talks to anyone and just comes home and does homework then watch tv. seriosuly i wanna kill myself. but i dont have the guts and i would feel too bad leaving my family distraut. so i would never do that. but i wish i could. =[ does anybody have any advice for me? sorry it was so long.
thanks (first two answers) but there is really no way to get a job. i am just now 16. but have NO WAY to get to a job. cant walk, and there is nobody to take me.
i really cannot get a job. i have no way to get to it. my house it too far from anything to walk. im not allowed to get rides with anyone unless they are friends parents. and im not allowed to ride the city bus. my parents are very overprotective. they could take me, but arent home till 5:30. by the time they get me to a job, it'll be at least 6. my parents dont want me working during school….because they want me home from any job i would have by 6. cuz they dont want me tired or out late.

Hey you answered my question….

Well about the car thing and your parents saying that they are junk and dangerous, if you go on craigslist.com you can find some cars for cheap and that are pretty nice.

My older brother he got a 93′ VW Jetta for about $800 it had 160k (sounds like a lot but its not really a ton) miles witch is a pretty good deal. But it all depends on what you want.

And your not a loser for riding the bus. Haha trust me once you do get a job and a car you’ll regret it, if you haven’t noticed the gas prices are rising a lot! and half your pay check will be going torwards your car. (depending on how much you drive it.) So busses are completely practical and cheap and there is no way that makes you a loser. Your the one spending $00.75 to get a ride in stead of paying $50 dollars a week to fill up your car.

i have had a crush on him since the begining of this last school year but it is summer vacation so i wont see him untill the begining of the school im in 8th grade and so is he, i think he likes me but im not sure, does any one know how i could get him to like me(or ask me out)
I REALLY LIKE HIM!!!! I WANT TO GO OUT WITH HIM SOOOO BAD

well you have the summer to turn in to the hottie that he has always wanted. Now remember that you should never change who you are for a guy, but that its okay to improve on things that you are going to change sooner or later. I suggest you start wearing the light make up like gloss and mascara. Use the smell good body wash and sprays, boys like that. And find your own personal style this summer. read the girly magazines. maybe get a hip hair cut and pluck your eyebrows… nothing extreme just flattering. When you get back to school he will be drooling over you!!!